You know , I've been down for these few days and to forced myself to smile in front of the people is the hardest thing to do. I feel so weak . As a human being , I made mistakes . Countless mistake , and sometimes , when I was in my bad times , I didn't seek for Allah , but I seek for someone who can lend me shoulders to cry on .
As the one who is not having loads of friends , I always stuck with my only boyfriend . We shared everything together as if we are married . Things get better when I'm with him . Well of course , my family are the number one , but still he's the one who is always with me after my family . Friends , comes and go . Sometimes , they are here , sometimes , they didn't even turn up . And that is why since we got together , I always spent most of my times with him .
I love my boyfriend so much . I know it is forbidden in Islam , but as a teen girl like me , i have feelings too , I wanted to be loved . I know some of you know how I feel inside , and some of you may not . But it's okay , let us share story will us ?
I knew him last year . Where things totally different than now . Whenever I was talking to his friends about him when he's with me (the way he comfort me) , his friends always told me that he is way different when he's with me ,and they never see him in that way. Because , whenever he's with me , he's always the sweetheart , always comfort me with his love , his words , his voice , his drama , his jokes and everything . Everything looks perfect in him . I admitted that I fell in love with him because he's always being himself . He always told me that he's a kampung boy and he will never forget that . And every time he told me that , I smiled and said , "it's okay because I will never leave you".
He's not a rich boy , he never comfort me with his money because he's not that rich . Hidup sederhana. Some of my friend did asked me before why do I fell in love with him , but I lost all my words . I don't know what to reply because it is too meaningful . I just couldn't help myself to say anything , all I can say that time was , "mungkin sebab janggut dia" . Weird isn't it ? I feel the same too .
He hates to see me crying . He always told me that . But sometimes , I cried a lot till he sometimes loss his temper and he leave me alone . Let me find my own calm , my own time . When I feel better , he come back to me and always told me not to cry again because he felt so bad when he saw I'm crying over something bad nor something worst . But , to be honest , sometimes I always cry wihout him by my side , like crying in my room at the midnight . Shits happens , and our relationship is not always happy , sometimes we fight , we don't talk to each other . But I always told my self that , "one day the pain will fade away."
Trouble maker , yes it's me . I always made troubles in our relationship . I was always the one who spoiled his day , his mood , ruined his happy ever after moment . I was always the one who made things upside down, made things looks horrible . He is the one who's always tend to be patience , told me good things , shut up and let me bragging about everything until I satisfied enough . He is the one who's finally hugged me and said , "jangan merajuk by , b mintak maaf..."
And I always wanted to win . But not until I read yaya johan's stories on her blog about Her late Amirul Aiman .
We never separated , and that's exactly like Yaya and arwah Amirul . When Amirul left Yaya , she felt so sad and it is hard for her to move on . I can't imagine if one day I will lose him , and he probably left me forever alone in this world without him by myself . My beloved boyfriend , the one that I want now and forever is leaving me ? How can I ever accept that ? Ya Allah it isn't easy . The feeling of losing someone that we love suddenly comes near me , I feel scared, I even feel cold .
It's been two days we are not talking to each other since he's so busy with his work right now . At this moment I don't know whether he's home or not . But may Allah protect him wherever he is right now . I miss his text , two days without his words made me turned dull , and I don't like this . I don't like to be away from him , and I don't want him to be away with me as well . But these two days , I keep on texted him and told him how much I love him and how much I wanted to see him in one piece .
While I am writing this , I was hoping that I will receive his text , and alhamdulillah I finally received ,
Him: b dah balik...
As a clingy girlfriend , I admitted that it is sooo hard to let anyone of us to be away from each other . Our mini world , yes we love to be in our mini world . Just two of us , having our funny conversation and all .
I'm sorry if you guys find me sooo full of myself on this post , it just I'm expressing my feeling that I hide all this while .
Dear sayang ,
One year with you is absolutely not enough for me . I thanked Allah for letting me to bumped into you last year where we finally got together after sometimes . It's hard for me to let you go and I never want to be away from you either . Thank you for always be besides me through out our ups and downs , thank you for always comfort me with you countless love , kisses and sweet words , thank you for not letting the tears in my eyes , and thank you for the smiles everyday . I love you Muhammad Fadil Zainoddin , I love you soo much . Words cannot describes how much you mean to my life . You've brought a lots of good things in my life and you even turned me into somebody who I never imagine I will be before. Thank you soo much for having me as your one and only . I love you to the moon and back .
This post sincerely written with love by;
Sayang.
P/s: sorry for my not-so-good-English.
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