The pain

Assalamualaikum,

Dah banyak kali aku jatuh sebab orang lain , luka sebab orang lain , menangis sebab orang lain , sakit sebab orang lain . Lebih dari sekali juga aku berputus asa kerana orang lain . Orang kata , kalau berkorban tak elok diungkit . Tapi kadang-kadang aku tertanya-tanya , pernah tak ada orang cuba nak selami apa perasaan orang yang sentiasa ceria macam aku . Langit aku kadang-kadang mendung juga . Kadang-kadang hujan lebat kilat berdentum dentam jugak . Fake rainbows and unicorns sentiasa ada untuk diorang yang perlukan aku .

Last few days , I talked to Aidid . He said ,

"I know , orang macam you suka gelak ketawa satu hari nanti akan menangis"

He is true . I'm not always strong . I am not always perfect . I cant make everybody loves me . I cant sacrifices too much . I dont have the guts to stay in my silence . I cant be there for those who need me all the time . I cant be the best among the rest .

Because ,

Sometimes , I do break down and cry . I do . I feel the pain in my heart . The pain that I couldnt bear at all . The pain that I cant describes with any words . The pain that only Allah knows it .But still , I asked myself to get up because , I chose to be in this world , and He sent me here ao it is my responsibility to get up and accept the Qada' & Qadar . It is my duty to stay strong and put my trust in Him . To give all my soul , my life to Him , The Only One for me , and for Islam . Allah never tests us with something that we couldnt bear to handle it . He knows our strength . He knows our level of inner faith .

So why should we feel lost ? Why should we stay cry? Why should we say "I give up".

I got the chance to increase my inner faith , and change my outer faith but I kept on let it go and keep myself stay in my 'jahiliah' world while other muslimahs are chasing for His bless , His love and His Jannah . As the time goes by , I still committing sins . I still doing the same mistakes over and over again . My life is completely a mess .

"O' Allah , I am here to chase Your bless , Your Love and Your Jannah .. Do show me the way , make me stronger than who am I today , show me the beautiful of Islam and Iman . Increase my inner faith and please keep my outer faith my outer look decent as what Islam wants . Do keep it proper ... Ameen Ya rabbal Alamin "

To be a woman of worth in Islam is my aim . In shaa Allah.

Love ,
Nuraina.